I’ve read a number of posts dealing with growth and change. Comments have migrated into the topic of closure and it inspired me to write about that idea.
When I was younger, closure was a topic very important to me. I craved closure to know why certain things happened in my life. These situations included why my family of origin and family of choice both ended, why a girl would break up with me, why friendships would end, or why I wasn’t selected for a job.
I fought tooth and nail to understand why. Why did these things happen? I spent a lot of time focusing on myself. What did I do wrong? Why don’t you want to be in my life? What was wrong with me? Can we please just talk about it so I can understand?
I finally learned that often times people’s actions and, subsequent reactions to us, are often not in response to something we have done but more so driven by their own experiences and insecurities. Thus, the reason I was never able to find the answers I sought is because they didn’t exist. Closure doesn’t exist. Closure is merely something we seek to help us rationalize actions that occurred, usually in an unfair manner, as a sense to understand what went wrong. We seek some sort of justice that will always fall short of our expectation. The reason we can’t achieve closure is because things just are. Occurrences in life are often random and happenstance. Those things that aren’t, are usually precipitated by others’ actions that are out of our control and often have little to do with us.
I’m not suggesting that our own behaviors and actions are never responsible for the situations we find ourselves in. But, if they are, and we are honest with ourselves and not play the blame game, we don’t need closure because we already know where we need growth and improvement.
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Image two courtesy of blogs.lawyers.com
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