You Have Plenty of Time

I was speaking to a coworker today about his weekend. We were discussing our respective commutes and attempts to live closer to work to cut down on them. We also touched upon how in the springtime, the dawn breaks earlier in the morning and the dusk falls later in the evening. It makes the day feel longer and you can get more done. Since he has a young son and wife, I mentioned that this allows him to spend more time with them.

“How old are you?” asked my coworker.

I told him my age.

“You still have plenty of time,” he said, likely referencing meaning starting a family and such.

I was somewhat surprised, but I have heard this type of comment before. At first, I was a little put off. The comment wasn’t made to be malicious but I always take it as an affront that I am lacking something. Like, perhaps, I am not good enough to be married or start a family. This is reaching and also is a product of my own reservations and insecurities about my life, and I realize that. But, I also feel like, while well intentioned, that type of comment also exudes a glimmer of hope – similar to a “hang in there” type of mentality.

I’ve seen other bloggers discuss this topic as well on WordPress. In America, we have this linear structure to our lives. It goes like this – education – college – get a job – get married – start a family – retire – die. Why is that? Why is this the model of success?

I’ve decided that I don’t want children. There are a variety of reasons I feel that way but the most important thing is that I am certain of my feelings. I’ve never had a desire to have children and have felt that way since I was young. I want to be selfish and do what I want to do and it is difficult to do that with children. Thus, I feel I am responsible for recognizing and understanding that.

Secondly, many of you who have followed me for a while are aware that I am divorced. It didn’t work out. And because of how turbulent that particular time was in my life and other factors, I am not pursuing marriage right now for an indefinite time period. I might change my feelings on the matter. I might not.

But, I am not lacking. Those are my choices and they enable me to pursue other activities that I do find fulfilling.

So don’t be sorry for me, directly, or indirectly.

I know we see the scope of the world through our own periphery but my periphery is focused differently than yours. It may be fuzzy to you, but to me, it is very clear.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “You Have Plenty of Time

  1. All I can say what was imparted to me from a dear friend who has passed since. She said do what makes you happy and forget others as they will pull down your dreams. That is the ticket my friend do what makes you happy. You don’t want kids don’t have them. It is not selfish on your part but it is on other people’s part to suggest that you do.. Be well. Find your happiness if it is to change job change. take the plunge as with every other aspect in your life. Be happy. Be well.

    Like

  2. We all have our preference on how we live our life and you chose what is best for you so be proud and always be happy. There is no certainty in life and maybe when the right one comes at the right time you might even change your mind, who knows? When I was younger I told myself I’ll never get married especially having a bad history of relationships but then it happened and things changed. 🙂

    Like

  3. I really hate the timeline that society tries to place us in. Especially when someone doesn’t want something off of that timeline. It isn’t a bad thing if you don’t want children, that’s your choice and you should be able to happily make that choice without someone else telling you, you just haven’t met the right person to want to have kids or that you’ll miss out on something. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life and not have to raise another life.

    But I love that you are so comfortable just saying, screw you society. This is who I am and this is what I want. And regardless of what you think, I’m happy. That’s pretty powerful.

    Like

    • This is a topic I have discussed with a few others lately. We view life through our own periphery. I think some individuals don’t have the ability to look outside their world. It doesn’t make them weak but it just goes to show that we are comfortable in who we are and we place that expectation on others.

      I can be man enough to admit that a few years ago, without the growth and tools I acquired, this conversation would have royally made me mad cause I would have taken it as an attack.

      I now have the courage to be who I want to be without worrying about the expectation of others. We are all products of our experiences. It shapes our views and who we are. We can choose to change and grow, if we wish. That is the beauty of being self-aware.

      Like

Have a take? Be sure to leave a comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s