Thank You

*I posted this on Facebook and wanted to share with all of you – my blogging friends – because it is intended for you as well.

To all,

I wanted to thank everyone who “liked,” commented on a post, emailed, or texted me with encouragement on the passing of my cat Chyna. All gestures, whether big or small, were appreciated and have helped me navigate this difficult situation.

As many of you may be aware to some degree, the last five years of my life have been filled with extreme changes, immense sadness and sorrow, and very turbulent times with many tribulations. There have been many wonderful people that helped me (too many to list – but you know who you are) but the one constant in my life during these times was Chyna. She was always there providing unconditional love, never judging, even in times that I wasn’t at my best and didn’t have the proper tools. Her little beautiful heart offered encouragement that there were still good in this world among all the chaos I felt, and even in times that I felt I didn’t want to live anymore nor did I have any reason to live anymore. She always reminded me that there was someone who loved me and needed me.

Her health failed so quickly – basically in the last three weeks. It is still shocking to me that it was so quick. Her behavior started to change and when I took her in a week ago from last Friday I got the news that, unfortunately, her kidneys and liver were failing. I could never have imagined we would only have a week together but each day things got worse. I struggled with this decision because I felt like if done too soon, then I was turning my back on her, and if too late, she was suffering. It became apparent to me on Wednesday, after she wet herself and laid in it, that the time was right. No one, or animal, should ever have to be subjected to that. Over the last few days, I spent many hours with her petting her, comforting her, and giving her fresh towels to lay on. Though she wanted to spend much of her time alone, our interactions still caused her to purr which brought me great joy. Even her last night, after wetting herself, I picked her up to clean her and she still found the energy to meow and fight me as I cleaned her. She always hated to be picked up and it actually made me smile that she stayed true to herself to the end.

The staff at the clinic was very good and allowed me all the time I needed. I spent some time with her before and comforted her and held her for 15 minutes after she had passed, joking that it was the first time in 17 years she had let me hold her. It was the best experience for such a negative situation.

I’ve cried more in the last four days than I have in the last 25 years including over my divorce and the ending of my relationship with my Mother. My heart hurts knowing Chyna is gone but I knew she was suffering and had no quality of life. I truly wish I could subtract some years off of my life and give them to her so we had more time together.

Though I don’t need anyone’s validation, I do hope it helps some people to understand why this has been such a difficult situation for me.

And specifically to my blogging friends, I want to extend a special thank you. It is truly amazing how cruel, thoughtless, and uncaring people in our “real lives” can be. Meanwhile, people on the internet, that I have never met in person, but am proud to call real friends, can be so kind, caring, and thoughtful. I have never met any of you people in person but all of you were so quick to offer kind words, thoughts, and encouragement. Many of you emailed me as well. I just wanted to let you know how much it meant to me – how much this community means to me – that all of you care so much for a perceived “stranger” in his time of need. Please know that reading a simple blog post and “liking it,” and/or commenting with a kind word – which likely took you a total of 2-3 minutes made an an immense impact in my life. Thank you again, friends – not internet friends – but friends.

Chyna's Locket of Hair

Chyna’s Locket of Hair

Chyna's Paw Prints

Chyna’s Paw Prints

 

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20 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. You told me that you had wanted Chyna to tell you that she loved you back. Well she did as she spoke to you during your blogging just now and your other blog announcing her departure. If you look closely at what you have written then you will have your answer through you. telling you she loved you. The answers are always hidden in plain sight. Be well my friend

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I guess I had just wanted to be certain she knew how I loved her.

      Thank you for the kind words. They make me feel better. I am still dealing with the natural progression of the steps of grief during a loss. I know I made mistakes with her but I truly know I loved her too in the ways that I cared for, looked out for her, always took her to the vet, and put her feelings above my own at the end to be with her during her final minutes.

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      • We have all made mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for it. We learn from our mistakes. I know how you feel. I lost slinky my black cat earlier on this year. They are our children or perhaps we are their children. Be well

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      • I am sorry to learn of your friend’s passing and offer my condolences. It has been a very challenging first half of the year for you for sure. I’m sorry for those challenges. Your strength is admirable.

        Yes, I have definitely tried to focus on not judging my past based upon the tools I have now. I have made a lot of mistakes but with my new tools I have made better choices. Some of the greatest feelings I have felt was achieved by facing a similar situation that I did in my past, and with my new tools, making a much better choice in than previously. It creates a positive feedback loop.

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      • I’m pleased for your revelation and the ability to move forward. Not everyone can do this and you managed through strength yourself to forge ahead. Here’s to new adventures. Be well.

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      • I worked with a counselor a number of years ago and together, we found new life tools for me to utilize to help me navigate through choppy waters. They have been invaluable in times like these that have been challenging. Hope you are well.

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  2. I think they do know Jarrod, I truly do. It’s that unconditional love thing that our pets have for us. Take care and sending another hug your way. ~ k

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  3. I’m so glad you had each other Jarrod. I only wish it was for longer. I know exactly what you mean by saying you would years of your life to hers. I told the vet I’d give Ellie my kidney lol. I’m thinking of you. Hugs xo

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    • I am glad too. She was found on the street as a stray. I think I was able to give her a better life than being on the street. She deserved that.

      I’ve unfortunately had a lot of hurt and sorrow in my life from people I trusted. Chyna brought me so much joy and I’d gladly trade part of my life to have that joy brought back into my life.

      Thank you again for the support Emma.

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    • Thank you for your kind words. It has been a very difficult process but I think I am making progress in my grief journey thanks in part to friends like you.

      I don’t normally promote my own material but I do hope you will read my tribute to her, entitled, “Goodbye, My Friend.” She meant a lot to me.

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  4. Hey, I am so sorry I missed this. I fell off the face of the blogging world for a while. I am so sorry for your loss. Chyna must have meant the world to you and losing someone in your life is never easy. I hope you are doing much better. My thoughts are with you.

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    • Thank you Chelsea. I appreciate the kind words. Some time has passed and I am feeling better. She was a wonderful little friend. The doctor at the clinic sent me a hand written card expressing her condolences and I thought that was really wonderful. That veterinarian group is top notch.

      Like

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