Full Disclosure on Closure Part II

Fast forward to February 2012.

My next door neighbor to the house ex-wife and I had built together informed me that ex-wife had some guy move in and they were attempting to play house.

“Oh yeah, this guy moved in last month and her and him go off all the time. She was dating different guys at various points,” I was informed.

The dating part didn’t bother me. I had dated too (though I later discovered I was not emotionally ready to be dating yet). The moving in together part really upset me.

I pretended the news didn’t bother me.

“Did she tell you she wrote me a letter a few months ago and asked me to put the marriage back together?” I asked her.

“No, she doesn’t talk to me much. She is cordial and that’s about it,” I was told.

Hmm, well that didn’t surprise me on either front. I was always much friendlier to the neighbors than she was.

“Uh oh,” my neighbor said looking into the distance.

Peering at a fancy sports car coming down the road I said, “I am going to assume that is my replacement.”

My neighbor nodded her head as the car pulled into the house I built and into the garage that once occupied my own car.

I felt awful and excused myself. I didn’t blame this guy. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t have anything to do with our marriage ending. But, I burst into tears on the way home.

“Why is she going to try with this guy but not try in our marriage with the person she loved enough to marry?” I thought to myself as I drove down the road.

“Why did she quit on me – on us?” I sobbed to myself.

Being-alone-is-scary2


I saw my neighbor a few months later.

“Did you talk to her?” she asked.

“No, we don’t really talk unless it is business,” I replied.

“Oh,” she exclaimed, her eyes lighting up, “well the guy living there was apparently working on the basement and he came out one day and they started screaming at each other and he told her, “if you want it finished, then finish it yourself” and got his stuff and promptly left.”

The basement is already finished so what is there to finish? The news didn’t really surprise me. I guess she never changed.

See Part III

Picture found in the public domain of the internet.

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9 thoughts on “Full Disclosure on Closure Part II

      • Good point and a very good attitude about the experience. Don’t take it personally, because it is all a learning experience.
        Leslie

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      • I will admit it took me some time to be able to reach a level where I was able to reflect on the situation and fully appreciate what had happened, where I had made mistakes, and areas where I needed to grow.

        Without knowing what I had done and the psychology behind it, i had arrived at the logical conclusion, much like I did with my mother, that I had to let go of my then wife. I couldn’t help her nor could I fix her. It isn’t my place to fix anyone. We can only change when we want to change and I decided I wanted to change and grow.

        I also have seen a number of people become jaded by experiences and I didn’t want that to happen. It is difficult to do because it is personal. But, I also came to realize she was deflecting. If she doesn’t change, she will always have the same problems.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I worked with a wonderful counselor who helped me to achieve my goals. Like a good parent, he allowed me to find my way and allowed me to make mistakes so I could learn.

        Being introspective and reflecting back as well as discussing the event has helped me to move past it. I’d recommend that people do not internalize their feelings.

        The one silver lining is that I grew from it and I have been able to help others move through similar situations in my ancillary role at work as a peer counselor. It feels good to help others and let them know – this happens sometimes and you will be okay.

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      • This is somewhat of a tangent, but perhaps because I have felt the feelings of divorce and understood how it changes someone, I can almost immediately tell when someone I know is experiencing a divorce or their relationship has broken down to that point.

        It is almost like I’ve gotten a 6th sense for it.

        Liked by 1 person

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