Fast forward to last weekend.
The news of her remarrying surprised me. I am not sure why. She doesn’t like to be alone. It causes her to have to self-reflect on her insecurities and issues. She hates that. She’s also turning 31 this year and I know she wanted to have children.
It didn’t seem like it had been five years since we had separated but it had. The time seemed so much shorter. Maybe that is actually what surprised me – how quickly the time passed.
The email and the knowledge from three years ago that someone else was playing house with her angered me. But, this time, I didn’t feel any anger or sadness or actually…anything. I didn’t feel anything at all. It seemed like I was just told a stranger that I had never known or met was now getting married.
In a way, it felt great. The death of my marriage was something we had tackled in my counseling sessions. I had discovered I knew our marriage wasn’t meant to be. My ex-wife had a lot of the same qualities that my mother did including the severe insecurity and emotional issues. I later discovered that children that have broken relationships with parents, especially those of the opposite sex, tend to seek out partners that are similar as a means to be able to fix that relationship with the parent by fixing the partner. I grieved heavily over the death of our marriage but I didn’t grieve for her. I grieved because I realized the expectations I had for our marriage would never be fulfilled. I didn’t have the tools to understand that before. I did now. I learned that I needed the divorce to have that experience to be able to learn that life lesson.
But I didn’t feel any anger, sadness, sense of loss, guilt, or any type of jealousy. The event showed me I was truly past what had happened and I had forgiven her for her mistakes and most importantly, I had forgiven myself for those I made.
I did pause and stop and wonder whether she had changed. I hoped so for the sake of her new marriage. I’d likely never find out and that is fine. It isn’t my business anyways.
I sent this text to her:
“Word got to me that you got married recently. I wanted to offer my congratulations to you and your new husband. I wish you both all the best.”
We were a moment in time. A snap shot of something we were to be but never could achieve. I hope you find happiness and I hope you find yourself.
Be well and best wishes.