Four Years Ago Today…

He put the wedding ring on her finger

Four years ago today the end was written on the page. “Signed, Sealed, and Delivered” was more than just a Stevie Wonder song. The day haunted me. It was an ending to something that never had a proper beginning – a final coffin nail for an entombment that started long ago. The day doesn’t change. I’ve changed though.

The day was burned in my memory in both sadness and grief of how you had quit on me – on us. But I have come to realize you had never truly quit cause you were never truly in. You weren’t whole and you couldn’t be with me. I had my own demons as well and it was a perfect storm to keep us apart. You weren’t right for me. I wasn’t right for you. We weren’t right for anyone because we weren’t right for ourselves. We needed to see the error of our ways. This was the first step in me doing so. That is what this day represents to me – a day of repentance and rejuvenation.

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17 thoughts on “Four Years Ago Today…

  1. Im glad your heart has changed from feeling grief to rejuvenation. It hurts and stings at first but as time goes on we learn the whys and let them change us if we are brave enough and you my friend are! Happy Sunday 💗💗

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    • Thank you. I have a broken relationship with my mother. I haven’t spoken to her in over 10 years. She was mentally, emotionally, and at times, physically abusive to my sister and me. She had a lot of emotional and self-esteem issues and deflected her anger out on her children.

      I learned, after I got divorced, that children that have broken relationships with a parent of the opposite sex, tend to subconsciously choose mates with the same issues in the hopes to “fix” the mate in the hopes of repairing the relationship with the parent. And, that’s exactly what I did.

      The signs and red flags were always there that I should have not dated this girl, much less married her, but I didn’t have the life tools then to understand that. I do now. I needed this experience to be able to earn those life skills and tools.

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  2. I get this, in a way. I married the wrong person, too. He died before I had the courage to leave him. But there’s a point at which you just kind of *know* that you’re forcing something that will never work.

    This is a few days old, so I hope you are feeling better now.

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    • I am well. Thank you for asking. The situation doesn’t bother me anymore. But, I do reflect on it because it was a momentous and life altering event for me especially with how it was connected to the broken relationship I had with my mother and choosing a wife that had similar issues. As the years progress, I reflect on it differently as I age and gain new experiences. It is interesting to see that dynamic and growth in myself. My ex wife is now remarried and actually expecting this month. I hope all goes well for her and she has experienced personal growth as well.

      I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you are progressing in your feelings concerning it and are on a positive journey.

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      • I must agree that the feelings we have about these things change with time. I’ve had several years to digest what happened and learn to accept it and move forward, though with the added complication of having a nearly eleven year old daughter tagging along for the journey 🙂

        We accept. We grow. We change. I’m glad to hear you are moving forward, but I understand the need to write about it.

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