I often wonder what was more foolish – we built something on cracked joists and broken beams with expectation of strength or created a façade of beauty to hide away the ugliness inside.
Only specters remain of what would have been. A forgotten time – a forgotten place built on the promise of potential. Cracks in the foundation only wilt under pressure and strain – imploding on one’s self. We laid waste to our hopes and dreams only to reveal the decay and untold truth inside.
Desolate reminders that everything has its time and its place and nothing lasts forever, only snap shots of memories captured in time.
Staring at the blank page reminds me of how empty I feel inside. You see, I drink white wine when the words are flowing and red wine when the words won’t come. The red wine clouds my mind and releases what I really feel inside.
I never wanted much for my life but to be great and know I made it. Money isn’t a thing. They say money doesn’t bring you happiness but I like drinking expensive wine and taking pretty ladies dancing and money helps me do both of those things.
I found the hard way that “Till Death Do Us Part” just doesn’t pertain to physical death. We experience, we learn, we grow, and even forgive but we never forget. How could I? After all, the two closest women in my life haunt me in my dreams. What you represent – my failure, my insecurities, my inability to see. Those days are over, but I know what they represent, they opened my eyes and on those occasions that’s when I really learned to see.
I attempted to make the world a better place than I found it and I tried to give back. I found the true wealth of a rich man is experience, kindness, and humility. I can’t take any tangible objects with me to the grave but a show of how many people you touched and show up to your funeral service separates the richest men that were alive.
Four years ago today the end was written on the page. “Signed, Sealed, and Delivered” was more than just a Stevie Wonder song. The day haunted me. It was an ending to something that never had a proper beginning – a final coffin nail for an entombment that started long ago. The day doesn’t change. I’ve changed though.
The day was burned in my memory in both sadness and grief of how you had quit on me – on us. But I have come to realize you had never truly quit cause you were never truly in. You weren’t whole and you couldn’t be with me. I had my own demons as well and it was a perfect storm to keep us apart. You weren’t right for me. I wasn’t right for you. We weren’t right for anyone because we weren’t right for ourselves. We needed to see the error of our ways. This was the first step in me doing so. That is what this day represents to me – a day of repentance and rejuvenation.